What Every Woman Should Know About a Man’s Needs in Marriage by Rick Netshiozwi
- Rick Netshiozwi | Marriage Counselor
- Aug 27
- 5 min read
He doesn’t always say it. He might not even know how to express it. But just because he’s silent doesn’t mean he doesn’t have needs. And just because he doesn’t cry doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel. One of the most dangerous myths in marriage is that men are simple and unbothered. That they only care about sex, food, and sleep. That they’re not emotional. That they don’t need affection. That they don’t get hurt.
Let me be clear: that myth has destroyed marriages.
I’ve counselled thousands of couples over the years. And I’ve seen what happens to a good man whose deepest needs are ignored. He withdraws. He hardens. He shuts down. Not because he stopped loving—but because he stopped feeling safe to be himself. And often, he leaves emotionally long before he ever walks out physically.
So, what does a man really need in marriage?
First—respect.
This is not a suggestion. This is air to a man’s soul. And it doesn’t mean obedience. It doesn’t mean silence. It means honouring his role, his effort, and his presence—even when he’s struggling. You don’t have to agree with every decision. But how you disagree matters. Your tone. Your words. Your posture. They either build him—or break him.
A man will fight hell for a woman who makes him feel like a king at home. But that same man will avoid conversation, intimacy, and responsibility if home feels like a courtroom where he’s always on trial.
Many women don’t realise: your words carry more weight than anyone else’s in his life. If you always point out what he isn’t, what he lacks, and what he failed to do—he’ll eventually believe he’s not good enough. And when a man feels like a constant failure, he won’t fight for love. He’ll settle into survival.
The second thing a man deeply needs is peace.
Not perfection. Not control. Not a spotless house. Peace. A place where he can take off the armour he wears all day. A space where he doesn’t have to defend himself, compete, or pretend. Life outside is war. Bills, pressure, expectations, spiritual battles, social stress—it’s loud. When he walks through the door, he’s not looking for another battlefield. He’s looking for his safe place.
A man who has peace at home is unstoppable outside. But a man who comes home to war will break slowly. You don’t have to solve all his problems. You just need to offer your presence without pressure. You're calm without conditions.
Your love without lectures. Third—admiration.
You may not realise how much he still wants to impress you. The way he stands after fixing something. The way he checks if you noticed when he’s dressed well. The way he waits for you to say, “Thank you.” A man who feels admired will keep trying. Keep showing up. Keep giving.
But a man who feels invisible will quietly stop. Not out of bitterness, but because effort without appreciation feels like slavery. You might say, “Why should I compliment him for doing what he’s supposed to do?” Because even what he’s supposed to do takes strength, sacrifice, and commitment.
Appreciate the ordinary. Celebrate the effort. You’ll be shocked what blossoms when a man feels seen again.
Next—intimacy. Yes, including sex—but not only.
Sex for a man is not just a physical act. It’s a language. It’s validation. It’s connection. It’s healing. When his wife pursues him, touches him, desires him—it tells him, “I still choose you. I still want you.” And that message is more powerful than you may ever understand.
Withholding sex out of manipulation or neglect doesn’t just deny a moment—it wounds a part of his identity. It tells him, “You’re not worthy of my affection.” A man may not say it—but he’ll feel it. Deeply.
But here’s the twist: most men aren’t just looking for sex—they’re looking for connection. They want to be wanted. They want to be pursued, not just tolerated. They want to feel like they’re still enough for you.
If sex is always scheduled, transactional, or cold—he won’t say it, but he’ll slowly begin to associate rejection with your presence.
What heals that? Spontaneous affection. Words of affirmation. Initiating closeness. Making time. When a man feels desired, he feels alive.
Fifth—trust.
If you constantly question his motives, micromanage his decisions, or talk to everyone about your marriage but him—it breaks something sacred. A man needs to know that you still believe in his heart, even when he gets it wrong.
Yes, trust takes time. Especially if it’s been broken. But if you want him to lead, you must give him room to try. Trust says, “Even when I don’t understand, I choose to believe you’re trying.” That kind of faith in a man births maturity. That kind of support births growth.
Men don’t grow under control. They grow under confidence.
Lastly—vulnerability.
He may not cry often. He may not say much. But he has fears, doubts, wounds, regrets. And when you create space for him to express them without judgment—you become more than a wife. You become his healer.
Men are taught to be tough. But what they really long for is to feel. And they want to feel safe doing it with you. Ask deeper questions. Sit in silence without forcing solutions. Let him unravel in your presence without using his weakness as future ammunition.
I’ve sat across from broken men in my counselling sessions who said, “I just want her to talk to me without criticising me. I want her to ask how I’m doing—not just what I’ve done.”
Ladies, it’s not that your husband doesn’t care. It’s not that he’s disconnected. It’s that over time, many men stop expressing themselves because they feel like who they are is never enough. And when a man reaches that place, silence becomes his shield. But you can change that.
You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to understand everything. But if you’ll choose to speak his language, you will see him come alive again.
Encourage him.
Honour him.
Touch him.
Pray for him.
Laugh with him.
Admire him.
Make home his joy—not his job.
Because when a man feels respected, wanted, trusted, and safe—he doesn’t just stay. He flourishes. He gives. He sacrifices. He loves with a strength that surprises even him.
You have more power than you think.
And if you need help learning how to restore that connection, I’m here to walk with you.
Want to Understand Your Husband Like Never Before?
Rick Netshiozwi has worked with thousands of men, giving couples the tools to rebuild trust, love, and understanding that lasts. If you’re ready to rediscover the man you married, this is your moment.
📲 Contact Rick Today:Call / WhatsApp: +27 67 703 3585
Email: info@ricknetshiozwi.com
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