Marriage and Money: How Financial Fights Destroy Love by Rick Netshiozwi
- Rick Netshiozwi | Marriage Counselor
- Aug 23
- 5 min read
It starts with one question: “Where did the money go?”Then comes the silence. The defensiveness. The blame. The frustration. One person feels controlled. The other feels disrespected. Then trust begins to erode. Affection fades. Intimacy shuts down. And slowly—without anyone planning it—money becomes the wedge that drives two people apart.
I’ve sat in countless sessions with couples who love each other deeply but have been brought to their knees by one thing: money. Not the lack of love. Not infidelity. Not abuse. Just... money. Or more accurately, how they handle it, hide it, or fight about it.
Most marriages don’t break because of how much money they have. They break because of how much money controls them. The pressure. The secrets. The misalignment. The emotional baggage tied to every rand. And until a couple confronts their money issues together, love will always pay the price.
Let me tell you what I’ve learned.
Money is not just about numbers. It’s emotional. It’s spiritual. It’s generational. It carries your beliefs, fears, expectations, habits—and traumas. You don’t just bring your spending habits into marriage. You bring your childhood. Your upbringing. The scarcity you felt. The stress you watched your parents go through. The pride you carry when you earn. The shame you feel when you don’t.
Money in marriage is rarely about the budget. It’s about value systems. And when your values don’t align, your hearts will start to fight before your wallets even do.
One of the most dangerous things in any marriage is financial secrecy. Hidden accounts. Unspoken debts. Silent resentment over who earns more. Quiet judgment over how the other spends. When money becomes a secret, trust begins to die. You don’t need to be rich to have peace—you need to be honest.
Financial transparency is not control—it’s covenant. It says, “What I have, you have. What I face, we face. No secrets. No pride. No shame. Just unity.”
But money also destroys marriages when there’s no agreed structure. Who handles what? Are you saving together? Tithing together? Planning together? Giving together? Or is one partner making all the decisions while the other feels like a child in their own marriage?
It is dangerous when one spouse becomes financially dominant while the other becomes passive. It creates imbalance, dependency, and often, silent resentment. And that resentment eventually becomes bitterness.
Couples must learn to budget together. Plan together. Talk openly—without shame or superiority.
In many homes, one spouse is a spender and the other is a saver. That doesn’t have to be a curse. It can actually become your strength—if you learn to appreciate your differences and compromise. The saver brings security. The spender brings life and spontaneity. But when those differences are unspoken and unmanaged, they become constant conflict.
You fight over purchases. You fight over priorities. You fight over who is “wasting” or who is “controlling.” And before you know it, the bedroom goes cold. The laughter disappears. The home becomes a tense battlefield.
Money should not silence love.
I’ve also seen money destroy marriages when it becomes a source of identity. When one person earns more, they start to feel more important. They make all the decisions. They subtly belittle the other. Or they start doing things without consultation—because they “make the money.”
That is pride. And pride is not compatible with love.
There is no peace in a marriage where money becomes a weapon. Where one spouse uses their income to control, belittle, or shame the other. Even if you earn more—your role is not to dominate. It’s to protect, honor, and build together. Marriage is not about who makes more—it’s about how you manage more together.
Let’s not forget the spiritual dimension. When couples ignore God in their finances, they open the door to unnecessary struggle. I’ve seen couples who never tithe, never give, never consult God—and then wonder why money keeps slipping through their hands. Financial disobedience leads to spiritual instability. And spiritual instability affects emotional safety.
Money fights are often just a symptom of a deeper spiritual disconnection. You pray for love—but ignore God in your bank account. You ask for peace—but dishonor God with your stewardship. God cannot bless a marriage financially when both parties dishonor His order and ignore His voice.
Tithing is not just giving to church—it’s acknowledging that God owns the marriage, the money, and the mission.
Now, let’s talk solutions.
The first step is to talk. Not shout. Not accuse. Not compare. Talk. Sit down and say, “Let’s figure this out together.” List your expenses. Your debts. Your dreams. Your goals. Be honest about your habits. Don’t shame. Don’t manipulate. Just speak as partners—not as enemies.
Second—make a joint plan. Who handles the payments? How much is saved? How much is sown into the Kingdom? What’s the monthly spending limit without consultation? If one earns more, what’s the agreed structure for managing that? Is there room for personal spending freedom? What do you consider “waste”?
Put it all on the table. Clarity breeds unity. Silence breeds suspicion.
Third—heal the emotional wounds. If one partner made bad financial decisions, forgive them. Don’t hold their past over their head forever. If one feels disrespected because of how they earn, affirm them. Say, “Your value in this home isn’t based on money. It’s based on love, sacrifice, and presence.” Heal the heart—so the wallet doesn’t become a war zone.
Fourth—educate yourselves. Most fights are fueled by ignorance. Read about budgeting. Attend workshops. Pray for wisdom. Learn together. Grow together. Teach your children. Break generational financial curses by making generationally wise decisions.
And fifth—pray. Invite God back into your financial life. Ask Him to restore peace where there’s been pressure. Invite Him to be the CEO of your marriage’s money. You’ll be amazed what changes when the Holy Spirit begins to guide your financial decisions.
Money is either a servant—or a silent killer. In many marriages, it’s become a master. But God didn’t design marriage for financial tension. He designed it for financial unity.
Love can survive without millions—but it can’t survive without trust, respect, transparency, and shared vision.
So ask yourself today: Have we let money become a wedge? Or are we using it as a weapon? If so—it’s time to realign. Realign with truth. Realign with each other. Realign with God.
Because you can rebuild peace in your finances—and when you do, love flows freely again.
And if you need help navigating that journey, I’m ready to walk it with you.
Don’t Let Money Destroy What Love Built
Rick Netshiozwi has helped thousands of couples find financial unity, heal emotional money wounds, and create structures that protect love from financial stress. If your marriage is under pressure because of money, it’s time to take a new path—together.
📲 Contact Rick Today:Call / WhatsApp: +27 67 703 3585
Email: info@ricknetshiozwi.com
TikTok: tiktok.com/@ricknetshiozwi
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